Leaking

There is a leak in the vessel,
and the energy slowly drips out.
Doing good just seems to drain the soul.
And it's just the simple things:
Holding the door for one
and complementing another.
Causing drain.
until there's nothing left.
But I will not stop, I may still last.
The rain will come, and thunder will soar.
Hapiness will shower on the doorstep and I will get it back.
It's a gamble, sure.
But I would not be the one in selfish stagnancy
who will never refill their own.

Filling a Deep Void

For once I hear her soft voice call out to me in the cold winter wind. Rarely does she recount the joy we shared as friends, and every more rarely does she try to touch me again. Two years ago on a warm night we laughed and danced into the falling brown leaves. But, time diverged us, and still keeps us apart. We could not circumvent it.

I miss my chance to respond in the business of the day. I have wanted to reach out and touch her so many times, yet I could not allow myself to do it. So many times I have touched others and fell into the chilly lake. They were too cold to feel, and I struggled to reach shore again.

My heart is big and soft, too soft. It asks for little, gives a lot, but needs even more. Immediately responding to her would fill her with warmth enough for months. But it would not be enough for me. Rather, I subtely try to make her realize how I feel and maybe she would give me a little bit more.

Next time I will welcome and embrace her with warm blankets. But must my heart be so needing to give, and to recieve? Is it really any different from those of others? Sometimes I fear my heart might just be too big for anyone to fill for very long.

Purpose

This entry in response to: http://tearsonroses2.blogspot.com/2005/04/purpose.html

A purpose is something that satiates the the mind. But it can't be bought, stolen, or borrowed. The meal must be made from scratch. It must be catered to your satisfy your taste buds, and fill you up just enough. It must cater to your strengths and avoid the weaknesses.

Oh no, but it must require work! It needs effort and continuous trial and error! Why do I need to do that when I can take it from someone else? And How, HOW do I do it??? I tell you, your mother's meals will only satisfy you for so long. It is not enough for the adult brain. Only you can figure out how to prepare it and it won't mean a thing unless you do it yourself.

snowflake

All I have left is a snowflake
Part of something promising, but time interfered
The seasons changed, and forced us apart
Just as I started to appreciate it.

from a friend

meaning melts away

the season will come again, but the snow just won't be the same.

wishing for pain

The robotic rain drop crashes and transforms the fields to blue.
And I feel like an orange carrot as I fall into you.

The urn has fled and left the quilts to dry.
And I have waited my whole life to dye.

Green and blue loop into red
And I carry a feeling in my head

No nuts to croak, no vines to be had.
And yet the cats whistle in the moonlight

Here Again

A thought quickly swells into emotion
In longing for her presence, and her care,
Almost forgetting the vast destruction
In the wake of irreperable tear.

This hole looks familiar: dampness and the cold
I thought I had escaped the wretched lore,
Climbing up the ladder with thoughts so bold.
Yet, somehow I find myself here once more.

Revisiting actions I once thought noble
For which I recieved nothing in return,
I, now, humbly realize they were futile.
And the sorrow left I wish I could burn

I fill the crevice little at a time,
waiting for the earth to remove the grime.