trust

I never really understood the concept of trust. It seems to be an expectation that one you trust, your friend Jill, for example, will not intentionally harm you in any way. So then, because you trust Jill, you never really watch Jill carefully, and in one unexpected moment, she stabs you in the proverbial back. The scary part is that the innocent-looking trust itself seems to be an invitation to the breach of that trust, simply because humans cannot stand good things for very long without trying to destroy it.

On the other hand, you cannot get very far thinking that everyone is out to get you. There is, in fact, always the possibility of it occurring, whether you trust them or not. In addition, why are we supposed to give people the benefit of the doubt until they show they are not trustworthy? I suggest something different: a realization that almost no one can trust each other for very long with out violating that trust. So, rather than trusting Jill, you ask her why she’s suddenly carrying that dagger in her hand, and run when she asks, “What? You don’t trust me?”

I do not know why everyone seems to think trust is such a necessary human thing, and if you cannot trust someone, something is automatically wrong with you. I think that kind of trust can only come after years and years of knowing the person. Simply trusting someone unquestionably because it is a good thing to do seems to be pretty naive, even if it is human.

thoughts of the day

The more people know about you, the more they can either help or hurt you.

The right thing to do is often the hardest thing to do, but is easier in the end.

People lie to you all the time about whom you are and what it takes to succeed.  In the heat of the moment, it is hard to tell what is true or not.  In that moment, the only thing you can really trust is your instincts.  They might seem completely illogical, but they are probably right.

lost friends

I could tell this person was avoiding me, from the moment she saw me. I'm not sure exactly why, but I can easily guess. We were friends once, and some way she feels guilty maybe for leaving our friendship in the dust. But for some reason, she thinks I still care about that.

Friendships arise and disappear, and they hardly last forever. Never having to say goodbye seems like a lost dream. I knew enough not to depend on her in the first place. I might be nice and caring but I was never that naive. Maybe she previously thought I was and thought she could take advantage of it, like that other person had. Fortunately, I did not let that happen again.

The last time I thought of her was months ago, but I hate to see her pretending now, as if I were dumb enough not to see through it. I wish I could tell her bitterly "Don't worry, you don't have to talk to me." But I can tell she would just deny it. It still bothers me that she cannot simply come and talk to me, and admit her mistake, since I would easily forgive her. Sadly, to keep denying it, she is only hurting herself, and leaving loose ends that may drag behind her for the rest of her life.

when you can't forgive

If someone wrongs me, whether intentionally or unintentionally, I would naturally be upset with him or her. But after a while, I might not care anymore and forgive, letting go of my grudge. Otherwise, the person might do something to make it up to me, and I eventually feel better about it. So, it seems obvious that anything can be forgiven within a lifetime, and if I do not forgive I am automatically selfish and rude.

However, is there ever a possibility where withholding forgiveness is not so wrong? Like if someone hurt you many times over several months. Unfortunately, you did not realize the impact until it was too late. Now that it's over, you want to forgive, but your body just will not forgive after going through so much pain. Is it okay if you might not ever be able to forgive that person? Is that really so bad not to?

Going through it over and over in my mind, I tried to make some sense of it. All I found was that I was hurt and she was the cause. The mistakes we both had made or our prior good intentions and naivete did not seem to alleiviate my pain. I wanted to forgive but she never took the time to see how deeply it had affected or even try to make it up to me. I hurt her too, but I was willing to listen. Her only plan was to bury it and pretend it never happened. I played along, until the ghosts started to haunt me. So I left her, and I have not spoken to her or seen her since.

reference: Here Again