emotional wring

I can't resist. I have to know. The abhorent longing blinds my mind as I trudge through the duties of the day. Just those couple of words given to me will quench that thirst and let me move on. Yet, they could hurt, and make me feel so much worse.

Can I release the emotional hold yet passionally continue to strive? Somehow I must find a balance between continuing to have hope and bracing for failure. How can I, at the least, handle the dreadful feeling of strain? It may likely cause me more pain than I need at the moment, yet strangely I would still welcome it. How much more pain could it give that the amount I am already enduring in waiting? Besides, there is such a infantesimal chance the news will be favorable, and more than ever I hope it is and have to know that it is. It must be favorable, after waiting so painfully to receive it.

But that's not how life works. I am again dissapointed. Dissapointment after dissapointment after dissapointment you would think something would finally turn for the better. But it doesn't.

No miracles for today.